Crocodile Attack in Nicaragua!

Looking through my travel diaries, I found this interesting story of my trip to Nicaragua back in 1999 that I had posted on my previous blog:

I went on a boat trip up a river through the jungle yesterday with an Aussie, two British Girls and a German Guy. We were going to relax on the river, see the wildlife, visit a freshwater spring and spend a few hours in a small local village. The trip started off great. Going along the river in a dugout canoe with a small motor on the back was great. I felt like I was in an Indiana Jones movie. The jungle canopy surrounded us and blocked out the sunlight most of the time. As we kept heading upstream, the jungle kept getting lower and lower to the river and crept in on the sides. We would use the motor every once in awhile, but we tried to keep it quiet as much as possible. The sounds were amazing! Howling monkeys, grunts of wild boar, the splashes of fishes jumping up out of the river and back in, and the sound of birds filled the air. The insects were everywhere, but we had been given some heavy-duty insect repellant and it worked well. They seemed to keep away from me and gave me a foot or two buffer zone between me and them.

Soon after leaving the city, there were no visible river banks. The Mangrove roots and tree limbs hid any sign of land. It was hard to tell how far back the water went. We did see a lot of Crocs hiding in those roots. There were also a ton of river turtles. They seemed to dominate the river. We would see 5 -10 every 100 meters or so. They were everywhere.

We stopped at a local croc farm where they kept the big fellas in an enclosed section. They had some that were 20+feet long. The farm bred them for meat and for shoes, purses, etc. After about a 20 minute stop there for a snack and to get some supplies to take to the village, we continued our journey. The spring was right next to the village and that was our destination. It took about another hour and a half to get there. The water kept getting clearer as we headed up stream and we could easily see the thousands of fish, turtles, eels and snakes in the river. The river was teeming with life.

We made it to the village and had a delicious lunch of fish wrapped in banana leaves and local fruit. After lunch, the rest of the group went off to the spring for a swim. The spring was only about 50 yards from the tiny restaurant. I waited and finished my beer then ventured over to the spring. There was a rope swing attached to a big, sturdy tree branch which everyone used to swing into the spring and then swim across. I grabbed hold of the swing and took the leap, plunging into the cool refreshing water (It was a hot, humid day so the water was just right.) As I came up for a breath and began swimming to the other side, I heard a lot of screaming. I looked around and saw that everyone on the far side of the spring was screaming in my direction and pointing towards me. I was having a hard time hearing what they were saying, then all of a sudden I heard the Aussie scream “You got yourself a Croc!” Then I heard the word “Crocodile” or “Croc” a few more times.

I looked around and noticed that I was now the only person in the water. Just minutes ago, there were probably 8 or 9 people in there. I continued rotating around and when I turned to look at the shore that I had jumped off of, I saw a Huge Croc! I am not exaggerating when I say it was at least 10 feet long and probably about 20 meters away. It was heading right towards me.

I suck at swimming, but I think I would have given Michael Phelps a run for the Gold Medal that day. I just started swimming as hard and as fast as I could toward the other side, which was about 50 meters away. I didn’t look back and just kept swimming, praying the Croc wouldn’t try and take a bite out of my leg. I got to the far side and crawled out of the water. I turned back to see the croc was a good 30 meters behind me. A couple of the people on the bank said the croc got to within maybe 5 meters of me and then put on the brakes and slowed down. He was already turning around when I saw him. I may owe my life to a local guy, who was on the other bank and threw a few pieces of raw chicken towards the reptile. Sure enough, the Croc made his way over there and chomped on the chicken. I gave the man a thumbs up and huge smile. We did not cross the spring to get back to the boat, someone drove it over to our side.

I later found out that this crocodile has been living in that spring since it was a baby and comes up twice a day to that restaurant to get some meat that they throw in. The owner throws in all the scraps him. A couple of the locals said that the croc is fairly tame around people and has never bitten or eaten a person. They doubt he was going to make me his meal. Nonetheless, it scared the shit out of me!

Some Differences Between Latina America and The United States

One of my favorite things about traveling is being humored by things that seem strange or awkward to me.  I lived in South America for a year and spent 7 years in Mexico.  During that time, I also  traveled extensively through Central and South America and noticed many different customs, products and behaviors that don’t exist in the United States.  Each individual country does have distinct cultural norms when compared to their neighbors, however, we were still able to observe some common weird things across them all.


1. Don’t Throw Toilet Paper in the Toilet
No matter where you are in Central or South America, toilet paper is thrown in the trash can or waste bin.  This is a challenge initially for those traveling from the United States.  Sometimes, subconsciously you inevitably throw it in the toilet, but be aware it can cause a toilet to blow up.  It’s not their practice to dispose of toilet paper this way and their plumbing is not built to handle it.  Every hostel you visit will kindly remind you on the stall door.


2. Liquids are Sold in Plastic Bags

The first time I saw someone with a plastic bag full of water hanging from their mouth I did a double take.  Bottled water is available, but it’s cheaper to buy your fluids in plastic bags.  Street vendors will sell all different types of juices and even full meals of chicken and rice in clear plastic bags.  These bags are similar to those your Mom used to put your lunch sandwiches in.  Yogurt is also usually a liquid and sold in plastic bags.


3. Streets are Named After Dates
This can be very confusing when following a map and conversing about it to your travel partner. “Where do we turn?” “9th of October.” “I asked where do we turn at?”  The dates are usually significant to the region, such as independence day and other holidays.




4. Unfinished Buildings

Iron rods stick out of the flat roofs of many buildings.  To a foreigner it looks like they just never finished the next floor up, however they are planning for the future.  We are more concerned with the appearance of buildings.  They are more concerned with the cost of the building.  It may look ugly, but if they decide to build another story, the cement floor is already complete and the vertical iron rods are ready for cement.


5. Money Changing is Rare & Precious
When using a cash machine, it usually dispenses large bills, however it is nearly impossible to pay with large bills.  This is a common theme in all of Central and South America (It isn’t as bad in Mexico.) While shopping, you will find yourself buying things you don’t really need in order to get smaller bills and change.  I would often end up with a magazine I didn’t want to read or some snacks I didn’t need just to get the change and then use it in a store that says they don’t change large bills. 


6. American School Buses Have a Second Life
American School busses are everywhere.  When I lived in Monterrey, I was surprised to see busses that had “Des Moines Public School District” scrubbed out on the sides.  Some of the public busses had come from where I am living at now.  They looked like they were at least 20 years old.  I saw other busses from various parts of the U.S.  Even some private busses were old school busses.  Perhaps the longest distance I saw a bus travel was a Bangor, Maine School bus that was now roaming the streets of Panama City, Panama.


And the old American school buses are usually decorated up with creative custom add-ons, religious artifacts, stereo systems and local soccer team colors.  These busses are the main mode of transport for the majority of people in Latin American Countries.  They get very crowded and extremely hot and uncomfortable, but they are a necessity. You also don’t need to buy tickets, you justh op on the bus as it passes by (Sometimes they slow but don’t stop) and then a guy sitting next to the driver will come and get your money.  And some of those bus rides are wilder than a roller coaster.  I honestly thought I was going to die numerous times while riding a bus.  They are not for the weak of heart! 


Hungry during a bus ride?  Street vendors will often jump on selling drinks, food and other weird knick knacks.  They stay on for a stop or two and then get off, hopping a bus that is going the other direction back to where they came from.  Some people actually make a living this way. 


7. Paying To Use Bathrooms
Public bathrooms are rarely free.  I usually had to pay a US quarter or 5 pesos to use them and sometimes you have to pay extra for toilet paper.  I remember in Bolivia, I paid for the bathroom and toilet paper and the lady outside the door gave me one square for toilet paper.  ONE SQUARE!!!  I ended up giving her about $1 US and she gave me a whole roll!


And a word of warning, the public toilets are far from clean.  Some of the worst toilets I have ever seen are in India and Latin America.  Disgusting.


8. Security Guards Carrying Shotguns
Security Guards are everywhere.  They stand guard outside banks, hotels, museums, clothing stores, gas stations, fancy restaurants and even some apartment buildings and private homes.  They always carry Huge Machine Guns or shotguns.  It is intimidating at first, but you soon learn they are there to protect you
Security Guard in Colombia


9. Dish Soap is a Paste
I know the majority of the world uses a pasty soap to wash their dishes, but it was weird for me.  I am used to liquid soap.  What you do in Latin America, you buy a powder, mix it with a little water to make it pasty and then use it to wash your dishes (There are very few Dish Washing Machines down there.) 


10. Tuk-Tuk’s and Motorbikes

Tuk-Tuk’s are a type of motorbike/taxi in Central America and parts of South America.  They are similar to the Auto-Rickshaws of India.  They are all over the place, especially in in the small towns and rural areas.  Motorbikes are also commonly used for deliveries, mail, and just getting around the many traffic jams in big cities. 




And many more!  Please add things that appear strange to you from Latin America in the comments below.

I Guess I Am an Asshole!

That's right. I know. I can't believe it either. I am as shocked as you are. But this is what a good female friend of mine told me this week. Her exact words were (I will never forget them): "You know, you're a real asshole, and I'm not the only one who thinks so." So what could I possibly have done to cause such hatred from a good (and hot) friend of mine? After re-examining my words and actions, I admit it was kind of bad, but not bad enough to achieve “Asshole” status.  Stupid, idiotic, thoughtless and insensitive – Yes, Asshole – NO.  


I am going to give you the short and sweet version cuz I know most of you probably could care less about my personal problems and many of you have already come to the conclusion that I am an asshole based on this blog.  No use trying to persuade people otherwise…but for those of you who still have faith in me, let me explain.


Last Friday night I had a rockin’ party at my house. Lots of people, booze, music – It was great.  I felt like I was in College again!  (By the way - at what age do you stop having regular wild parties where everyone comes over to get drunk and you start having dinner parties, or those kind of house parties where there is a bartender and caterers…you know, “Adult parties” in the sense that they aren’t swinger parties and orgies.  Real grown-up parties?)   


My parties have become legendary and all follow the same format.  It goes like this: 30 or so friends come over, drink tons and tons of alcohol and those who smoke go out to the back patio and smoke away.  Then, inevitably, someone will suggest that we start playing a drinking game.  Maybe Quarters, Three-Man or Up and Down the River, to name a few.  So 10-15 of us start playing games on the table while the others keep chugging the alcohol, cranking up the music and watch ESPN with captions on in the background.  At least two people, and sometimes more, usually end up having sex in the basement, spare bedroom or out in the back yard (It’s dark and there is a fence). Throughout the evening, the numbers of party-goers fluctuate, but always hover around the 30 mark. 


The party Friday night was pretty much going the same way all the other parties go.  Drinking, games, music…I don’t think anyone had had sex yet…  The only difference was that just about everyone was drunk as hell.  Usually I have 5 or 6 partiers who don’t drink or maybe just have a beer or two – the designated drivers (This is why I have a lot of parties in my house, I don’t have to worry about being the designated driver!) 


Finally, around 3 AM, just about everyone had left, save for 4 of my very best friends.  This girl (we will call her Denise – which may or may not be her real name) notices a phone on the couch and yells, to no one in particular, “OH, OH - someone left a cell phone."


It’s my house so I get to check it out first.  I find out that the phone belonged to my friend Maddie.  So what do I do?  I do what most drunk people would do – I start planning on how I can inappropriately use her cell phone.  I had to play a joke on her for leaving the phone at my house! The problem is that Denise, even when she is drunk, is a very practical and honest person.  I immediately wanted to take pics of my “Johnson” or call some phone sex# that will show up on her phone bill, etc.  Everyone was throwing in their two cents worth so we put it up for a vote and we decided that we would send random text messages to mutual friends who weren’t at the party (using her phone of course.)


These were some of the Text Messages:   


To her weird roommate (who was out of town for a wedding): I cannot wait for you to get back from the wedding.  I have been thinking about you a lot…thinking about “us”.  We need to talk about doing some experimenting.  There are so many lesbians out there, it can’t be all that bad???


To Jenny (another single girl who had been at the party earlier): I had a great time tonight! You looked so hot with your new hair and that little skirt.  I have been having some strange feelings lately that I think I need to act out on. Maybe just the two of us could go out some time and get to know each other better. I hope you know what I mean by that.


To Reggie (a married friend of ours who was not at the party): Reg- You missed a great party tonight. Too bad you and Shelly couldn't make it because I can't stop thinking about that sexy dress she wore out to the bars last week.  Any chance you two would consider a threesome? 


To Dana (her best friend): We have to talk!  I have a problem and you probably won’t like it.  I think I have feelings for Chuck (Dana’s boyfriend).  We are such good friends, I want to let you know and discuss this.  I can’t stop thinking about him.  I am so wet and excited.  Would you consider letting me share your bed with him some night?


To Chuck (Dana’s Boyfriend):  Chuck, I know I am Dana’s best friend, but I want you!  BAD!  I Need you Now!  If Dana is with you, that is ok.  We can all get wild together!


To Brandon (Her Ex-Boyfriend, they broke up a month ago):  Brandon, we need to talk.  I still hate you, but I am pregnant and it is yours.  We have a problem! 


To Kelly (her sister):  Sorry Kelly.  I slept with your ex-boyfriend tonight!  You were right, he really is hung like a horse but sucks in bed!  Probably won’t be doing that again. 


Then, we might have accidentally gone overboard.  Somebody, I don’t remember who but I am pretty sure it wasn’t me, sent a message to everyone in her contact list.  EVERYONE!  Probably included parents, grandparents, little nephews and nieces…EVERYONE!!!


This is what that fateful message read: "To Everyone: I love you all!  I'm soooo drunk and looking to hook up! IM HORNY!  Call me!!!!" The phone was handed over to me and I turned it off while laughing


We all end up sleeping, with Denise and a couple of others crashing at my place. 


Then, I get a phone call at about 9 AM (She had been calling earlier but I was passed out.)  Maddie was calm at first, telling me that her roommate called her at about 6:30 in the morning and let her know about the text message.  Maddie actually thought that one was pretty funny.  She thought the set-up for Dana and Chuck was hilarious too and she even chuckled at the message I sent to Jenny.  In fact, she was pretty cool with all the messages I had sent.  She thought they were pretty funny and creative. 


Then a pause…and she unleashed HELL!!!  She was not happy with the message that was sent to her contact list.  She had talked to Denise and another guy at the party and they both told her it was me that sent the message (maybe it was…I was pretty drunk!)  She went off on me!  Her mother, grandma, boss, co-workers, dad, brothers and sisters, church group friends, etc. all received the message.  She told me that she had about 15 voice mails and another 10 missed calls on her home phone. People were calling her concerned about her, wanting to know what was going on, etc. and she also received a few “booty calls” from guys who were still up at that hour.   She asked me to turn on her phone and I did.  She had 63 text messages and 25 missed calls.  OOOPS!!! 


Denise, who had spent the night, immediately jumped in and laid into me, calling me an asshole.  Maddie seconded that statement and echoed the Asshole phrase a few times. 


So here I am, admitting that I screwed up.  IT was pretty bad.  I went over the line.  I shouldn’t have sent that mass text (although I am not 100% sure I did, just 90% sure).  IT was my bad and I truly apologize.  Maybe I am an asshole, but I was just trying to have fun.  I know that is no excuse… 


H I didn't do it to be an asshole. I just didn't think. It was a thoughtless act.  Yes, I can, and do, put some of the blame on the alcohol, but in the end, it was all me!  I am pretty sure that Maddie will forgive me.  We have been friends for a long, long time.  I apologized and offered to give her her phone back.  She told me she will have to get a new number cuz she told everyone her phone was stolen.  Denise is a different story.  She is all about doing what is right and prides herself on not doing stupid stuff, even when she is drunk.  She told me that I am a bad influence on her and she thinks she has been drinking more since she joined my inner group of friends. She said she needs “A break from all this craziness.” 


P.S. – Now that everyone thinks her phone was stolen, is it bad that I want it so I can use it to prank call people?  NOOOOO, I Better Not!!!!!