Babes Drinking Beer

Iowa Hawkeye Fans - This is Why Iowa is the #1 Party School

Iowa was recently named the #1 party school in the U.S.  I live in Iowa and have spent a few nights over in Iowa City partying my butt off.  Not a bad place to party, but nothing beats University of Texas and 6th Street...But I digress.  
This chick is lucky to be alive!  An Iowa Hawkeye football fan named Samantha Goudie who happens to go by @vodka_samm on Twitter (how appropriate!) was arrested last Saturday at the University of Iowa Football game.  Samantha tried to jump the fence and run onto the field while the game was going on.  The Univ. of Iowa police arrested her and gave her the breath test.  She blew a .341!!!  DAMN!!!  Most people would be dead at that level.  That is over 4 times the legal limit!!!  
Here's the University of Iowa's police report:
Goudie, Samantha Lynne, 22 of Iowa City, IA for Public Intox at Kinnick Stadium at 1321 hours. Goudie was stopped for trying to enter the field. Goudie was unsteady on her feet. Goudie blew .341 PBT.
She then proceeded to Tweet about the incident. Via Deadspin
Just went to jail #yolo
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
My mom had to get me out of jail and had to take a breathalizer #lmao
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
Blew a .341 in jail
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
My mom hates me too
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
I'm going to get .341 tattooed on me because its so epic
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
Girl waiting for court with me goes "I wish I knew the girl who blew a .341" I said hi
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) September 1, 2013
Ive gotten so many hate tweets because I was drunk...uh I get good grades sorry for being like every other college student
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) September 1, 2013
Go Hawks motherfuckers
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) September 1, 2013
@ThoseIowaBoys I was not trying to enter the game
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) September 1, 2013
#reunited pic.twitter.com/B803u7dNzJ
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) July 26, 2013
alcoholism https://t.co/Dk2vPMHd7l
— Samantha Goudie (@Vodka_samm) August 21, 2013


I am sure she made her parents proud.  She sure is going to be a great wife someday.  She should try and hook up with Charlie Sheen.  They were made for each other.  And think of her kids.  This shit will be online 20, 30 years from now.  Her kids will google or bing her and this shit is gonna come up!  

Free Advice Fridays - How to Drink in Class

Drinking makes everything better. Sporting events, barbecues, holidays, and even school become a totally different animal once some happy juice is added to the mix. Today's edition of Free Advice Friday is going to focus on turning that boring college lecture class into something marvelous and exciting, all because of Booze! Sounds like fun, right?
First off, this everything I am going to talk about will be a moot point if you have a professor that doesn't allow water bottle, gatorade, cokes, etc. in the classroom.  Luckily, the majority of college professors do allow students to take drinks into the class.  As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had a college prof. deny a student his or her right to stay hydrated.  
And of course, I am assuming that you all are of legal drinking age.  If you aren't disregard this (or, if you get caught and you are a minor, please don't tell the authorities you got the idea from this blog!)  
OK,  Let's get this Free Advice Friday Going, Shall we?  Below are the rules that you should go by in order to have an enjoyable and happy drinking experience in class and avoid detection from professors and campus cops  
• Drinking in class is best done in those large lecture halls/classroom.  The ones that look like an auditorium.  Drinking in small classrooms is much riskier as the smell of alcohol will be easier to detect and if you get inebriated, it is going to be much easier to notice you.  
• Sit in the back of the room.This helps avoid detection and limits the number of people who might get a whiff of your alcohol infused breath.
• Don't do anything that will draw attention to yourself.  Be inconspicuous. 
• Relax!  You are not at a party.  You want to drink enough to get a buzz on and then carry it on after class, where the real drinking will begin.  
• Early on in the class, do something to get the attention of the professor so he/she knows you are there and knows you are aware of what is going on in the class.  Raise your hand, ask a question or answer one.  Do it early before you get drunk.  You don't want to be called on and you make a fool of yourself stumbling your way through the answer. Once you have participated in class, the professor will probably leave you alone for the rest of the class.
• Look normal.  Do your normal routine.  Put your books out and have your notebook open so it looks like you are paying attention. 
• Don’t drink so much that you can’t act like a normal student.The point is to get a good buzz on, but not get drunk.  Don't go overboard.   
• Try not to take multiple bathroom breaks.  Nothing screams of a Boozing Student as having to take 3 or 4 bathroom breaks during an hour and a half class.  
Now how will you take your booze to the classroom without getting caught? The most obvious choice is pouring your whisky or rum into a a 20oz soft drink bottle.  Make sure the color matches if it is a clear bottle.  Whiskey or dark rum into Coke or Pepsi, vodka or gin into a 7-Up, Mountain Dew or Sprite.My favorite method was using one of those "Big Gulp" cups that you get from the 7-Eleven or other convenience stores.  Even better is using a can.  No one ever thinks that people mix alcohol with their drinks in a can. 


Make sure you mix it.  Don't get crazy and try to pour straight liquor into your cup or bottle.  You are gonna get shitfaced and it is gonna be obvious that you are drinking.


I know that there are some of you out there that don't drink the hard stuff (you are missing out!).  Never Fear, there are still ways to pull this off.  Grab an extra-large coffee cup from 7-Eleven or other convenience store.  These can hold a couple of beers.  You can even poor beer into a McDonald's cup if you have to.  

I Guess I Am an Asshole!

That's right. I know. I can't believe it either. I am as shocked as you are. But this is what a good female friend of mine told me this week. Her exact words were (I will never forget them): "You know, you're a real asshole, and I'm not the only one who thinks so." So what could I possibly have done to cause such hatred from a good (and hot) friend of mine? After re-examining my words and actions, I admit it was kind of bad, but not bad enough to achieve “Asshole” status.  Stupid, idiotic, thoughtless and insensitive – Yes, Asshole – NO.  


I am going to give you the short and sweet version cuz I know most of you probably could care less about my personal problems and many of you have already come to the conclusion that I am an asshole based on this blog.  No use trying to persuade people otherwise…but for those of you who still have faith in me, let me explain.


Last Friday night I had a rockin’ party at my house. Lots of people, booze, music – It was great.  I felt like I was in College again!  (By the way - at what age do you stop having regular wild parties where everyone comes over to get drunk and you start having dinner parties, or those kind of house parties where there is a bartender and caterers…you know, “Adult parties” in the sense that they aren’t swinger parties and orgies.  Real grown-up parties?)   


My parties have become legendary and all follow the same format.  It goes like this: 30 or so friends come over, drink tons and tons of alcohol and those who smoke go out to the back patio and smoke away.  Then, inevitably, someone will suggest that we start playing a drinking game.  Maybe Quarters, Three-Man or Up and Down the River, to name a few.  So 10-15 of us start playing games on the table while the others keep chugging the alcohol, cranking up the music and watch ESPN with captions on in the background.  At least two people, and sometimes more, usually end up having sex in the basement, spare bedroom or out in the back yard (It’s dark and there is a fence). Throughout the evening, the numbers of party-goers fluctuate, but always hover around the 30 mark. 


The party Friday night was pretty much going the same way all the other parties go.  Drinking, games, music…I don’t think anyone had had sex yet…  The only difference was that just about everyone was drunk as hell.  Usually I have 5 or 6 partiers who don’t drink or maybe just have a beer or two – the designated drivers (This is why I have a lot of parties in my house, I don’t have to worry about being the designated driver!) 


Finally, around 3 AM, just about everyone had left, save for 4 of my very best friends.  This girl (we will call her Denise – which may or may not be her real name) notices a phone on the couch and yells, to no one in particular, “OH, OH - someone left a cell phone."


It’s my house so I get to check it out first.  I find out that the phone belonged to my friend Maddie.  So what do I do?  I do what most drunk people would do – I start planning on how I can inappropriately use her cell phone.  I had to play a joke on her for leaving the phone at my house! The problem is that Denise, even when she is drunk, is a very practical and honest person.  I immediately wanted to take pics of my “Johnson” or call some phone sex# that will show up on her phone bill, etc.  Everyone was throwing in their two cents worth so we put it up for a vote and we decided that we would send random text messages to mutual friends who weren’t at the party (using her phone of course.)


These were some of the Text Messages:   


To her weird roommate (who was out of town for a wedding): I cannot wait for you to get back from the wedding.  I have been thinking about you a lot…thinking about “us”.  We need to talk about doing some experimenting.  There are so many lesbians out there, it can’t be all that bad???


To Jenny (another single girl who had been at the party earlier): I had a great time tonight! You looked so hot with your new hair and that little skirt.  I have been having some strange feelings lately that I think I need to act out on. Maybe just the two of us could go out some time and get to know each other better. I hope you know what I mean by that.


To Reggie (a married friend of ours who was not at the party): Reg- You missed a great party tonight. Too bad you and Shelly couldn't make it because I can't stop thinking about that sexy dress she wore out to the bars last week.  Any chance you two would consider a threesome? 


To Dana (her best friend): We have to talk!  I have a problem and you probably won’t like it.  I think I have feelings for Chuck (Dana’s boyfriend).  We are such good friends, I want to let you know and discuss this.  I can’t stop thinking about him.  I am so wet and excited.  Would you consider letting me share your bed with him some night?


To Chuck (Dana’s Boyfriend):  Chuck, I know I am Dana’s best friend, but I want you!  BAD!  I Need you Now!  If Dana is with you, that is ok.  We can all get wild together!


To Brandon (Her Ex-Boyfriend, they broke up a month ago):  Brandon, we need to talk.  I still hate you, but I am pregnant and it is yours.  We have a problem! 


To Kelly (her sister):  Sorry Kelly.  I slept with your ex-boyfriend tonight!  You were right, he really is hung like a horse but sucks in bed!  Probably won’t be doing that again. 


Then, we might have accidentally gone overboard.  Somebody, I don’t remember who but I am pretty sure it wasn’t me, sent a message to everyone in her contact list.  EVERYONE!  Probably included parents, grandparents, little nephews and nieces…EVERYONE!!!


This is what that fateful message read: "To Everyone: I love you all!  I'm soooo drunk and looking to hook up! IM HORNY!  Call me!!!!" The phone was handed over to me and I turned it off while laughing


We all end up sleeping, with Denise and a couple of others crashing at my place. 


Then, I get a phone call at about 9 AM (She had been calling earlier but I was passed out.)  Maddie was calm at first, telling me that her roommate called her at about 6:30 in the morning and let her know about the text message.  Maddie actually thought that one was pretty funny.  She thought the set-up for Dana and Chuck was hilarious too and she even chuckled at the message I sent to Jenny.  In fact, she was pretty cool with all the messages I had sent.  She thought they were pretty funny and creative. 


Then a pause…and she unleashed HELL!!!  She was not happy with the message that was sent to her contact list.  She had talked to Denise and another guy at the party and they both told her it was me that sent the message (maybe it was…I was pretty drunk!)  She went off on me!  Her mother, grandma, boss, co-workers, dad, brothers and sisters, church group friends, etc. all received the message.  She told me that she had about 15 voice mails and another 10 missed calls on her home phone. People were calling her concerned about her, wanting to know what was going on, etc. and she also received a few “booty calls” from guys who were still up at that hour.   She asked me to turn on her phone and I did.  She had 63 text messages and 25 missed calls.  OOOPS!!! 


Denise, who had spent the night, immediately jumped in and laid into me, calling me an asshole.  Maddie seconded that statement and echoed the Asshole phrase a few times. 


So here I am, admitting that I screwed up.  IT was pretty bad.  I went over the line.  I shouldn’t have sent that mass text (although I am not 100% sure I did, just 90% sure).  IT was my bad and I truly apologize.  Maybe I am an asshole, but I was just trying to have fun.  I know that is no excuse… 


H I didn't do it to be an asshole. I just didn't think. It was a thoughtless act.  Yes, I can, and do, put some of the blame on the alcohol, but in the end, it was all me!  I am pretty sure that Maddie will forgive me.  We have been friends for a long, long time.  I apologized and offered to give her her phone back.  She told me she will have to get a new number cuz she told everyone her phone was stolen.  Denise is a different story.  She is all about doing what is right and prides herself on not doing stupid stuff, even when she is drunk.  She told me that I am a bad influence on her and she thinks she has been drinking more since she joined my inner group of friends. She said she needs “A break from all this craziness.” 


P.S. – Now that everyone thinks her phone was stolen, is it bad that I want it so I can use it to prank call people?  NOOOOO, I Better Not!!!!!

You Can Always Trust Vodka!

I Have trusted Vodka many, many times.  Let's see...
1.  That time that I thought I could jump off the balcony into the backseat of my friends convertible (result=Broken Ankle)
2.  The time that vodka kept telling me to go home with that beauty at the bar who was giving me the eye (result = went home at 2 with a 10 and  woke up at 10 with a 2.)
3.  Once, Vodka made me walk home from downtown after I lost my wallet and had no $$$ (result = Got lost, passed out in a ditch, woke up the next morning covered in mud and still 2 miles from my house.)


There's been others, but I don't remember them as well as those three.  As you can, see, I have trusted the Vodka and it continually lets me down!

Hello - Can I Drink With You Two?

Heading out to the Fair and then Court Avenue tonight - Hoping to find a couple of girls who want to party like these two.  If you are interested, you know where to look...

Need a Reason To Drink Everyday of the Week?

Look No Further.