Enrique and I came up with this list. We wrote it as part of our "Free Advice Fridays" series. Lanthie, Care to chime in here on your dating experiences. Maybe we can help some of these poor souls out there on their journey toward Relationship Bliss!!!
Lanthie - Relationships are very complicated and I am no expert. Finding a suitable partner has to be one of the most difficult things in the world. Some people are just lucky to have found the one. (As always, my comments in red)
1. 95% of the time, the guy or girl you are pining for didn’t lose their phone. They didn’t drop in the toilet or the bathtub. It wasn’t shut off. It’s plain and simple - they just didn’t want to text you. If not, why aren’t they messaging your on facebook or sending you a tweet this very minute?
Get over your selves. If we don’t want to text you we won’t. But then I have yet to meet a man who pines for a girl to text him. It is usually the other way around.
2. If you’re looking at someone’s online dating profile and there are several people in their photo and you say, “Who is that girl? She’s hot!”, the hot girl will never be that girl of the profile. She will always be the “Ok” looking girl standing next to the Hot Girl.
Don’t ever refer to another girl or woman we know as Hot (or attractive or has nice boobs or legs or whatever). “I am the hottest thing on earth”. At least this is what all women want to believe and should be told by the love of their lives.
3. No one’s ever “too busy” to hang out with you. Lots of busy people still date. If they say they are “too busy” that means bug off!
My significant other is always too busy! So should I take that as a sign….. Hmmmm Will have to give it some thought.
4. If they’re talking about their ex all the time, then they are not over their ex. Get out while you can! Everything you do and say will be compared to their ex. They are probably not ready to date, even if they claim that they are and it is time to move on. Don’t believe them!
I totally agree. You should never talk about your ex. Yes we are curious about her and do want you to mention her in passing but we want to hear how bad she was in bed or how bad her cooking was. But please don’t harp on about her. Be honest with yourself – if you are still in to her then say so and give us the opportunity to move on.
5. Don’t rush into anything. If he/she doesn’t call you girlfriend/boyfriend after a couple of dates, it’s ok. Take it slow and steady.
Take it slow and steady. But don’t play dead. If you’ve been going out for awhile and he still doesn’t refer to you as his girlfriend, then move on.
6. How quickly they text you back says nothing about how they feel about you, unless it’s something like several days or weeks – then you have a problem. Many times, I am driving, working or out jogging when I receive a text. I don’t stop what I am doing to text back. I will text back when I am done. It might be 20 minutes, it might be an hour or two.
I hate it when I don’t get a text back immediately. But common sense does prevail and I do realize you may be busy. So we acknowledge that you may be busy, but do make us feel that you have prioritized replying. My worst is when someone stops texting in the middle of the conversation. Have the decency to say you have to go do something or you’ll be back in a bit or something. Don’t just keep us hanging.
7. Every girl or guy isn’t going to be “the one” — and maybe nobody ever will. Here is a little hint – Look for “the one who is good right now?” You will find a lot more people filling that description and then you can see if it leads to him or her being “The one.”
The one who is good right now is always a good choice. We all have different needs at different times of our lives so someone may be good for your current situation. Get to know them better. They may actually be “the one”.
8. Sex with another person always means something — whether you are dating casually, non-exclusively or are married. I hate to be blunt (OK, I Love to be blunt) but you are inside someone! That means something, no matter how you look at it! Sex is an inherently meaningful act. You might say it doesn’t mean anything, but I guarantee you that it means something to at least one of the two involved (and probably both, you are just in denial!)
So agree here. I cannot have meaningless sex. If I have sex with you, I care for you and probably very deeply. So take it as a sign. And if you don’t care for me deeply, then please don’t screw with me (excuse the pun) and have the decency to tell me and move on if necessary.
9. Looks don’t mean anything. Hot guys can be jerks, Beautiful women can be bitches, both living in a world where they are obsessed with their looks and feel that everyone else should be into them like they are into themselves. Likewise, some of the nicest, most genuine and caring people I have ever met had average or below average looks. “Don’t Judge a book by its cover!”
You don’t fall in love with looks – you fall in love with the full package. Take the time to get to know someone before deciding.
10. When someone says they are breaking up with you because they “don’t want to date” that just means that they don’t want to date you.
Very true. It’s like someone offering you cake. Why would you say you don’t want cake. You just don’t want that piece of cake. So be honest. If you don’t want to date someone then say so. We can put on our big girl panties and accept that you don’t like us. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting a meaningful relationship.
11. Do all of your friends hate your significant other? Does your mom hate them? Do people who don’t even know you hate them? I would say that is a HUGE RED FLAG! Listen to your friends and family.
If all your friends and family hate your significant other, then that is a huge red flag. Must admit I would probably never tell someone that I don’t like their significant other as it is not my place to have an opinion here.
12. If they don’t show interest in you within a few weeks, let it go. You’re not going to wear them down or trick them into liking you or waiting around for months for a girl or guy to come around just doesn’t happen. And if you are officially in the “Friend Zone” even worse. It isn’t gonna happen. Sure, there are a few exceptions, but few and far between. It really isn’t worth wasting months or even years waiting for someone to come around.
Relationships are a two way street. You cannot ever expect anyone to come around or ever change. If the attraction isn’t there within a reasonable amount of time, it is never going to happen.
13. The other sex isn’t as complicated as you think. It usually is a lack of communication that causes all these problems and complications. Be honest and talk!
Not much more to be said here. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.
14. Don’t flash the bling! Most potential girlfriends and boyfriends don’t care if you have a fat wallet, a new sports car, or wear $1000 suits. If they do care, then they are superficial and not worth your time. If you are looking for that, then go ahead and flaunt it, but it is gonna be a lonely (and expensive) romance!
I would live in a shack if it meant I could be with the man I love. Money and material things mean nothing in a relationship and the good old saying “for better or worse” is very applicable here. And bad times fall on the best of us at the worst of times. So just because he drives a nice flashy car now, doesn’t mean he will still be driving it in 5 years time.
Come on over to the dark side occasionally and read my blog at http://www.lifecherries.com